Understanding Restraint Collapse: The After-School Meltdown
After-school meltdowns are common in all kids, but the intensity can ramp up with children diagnosed with ADHD.
Ever wonder why your child with ADHD keeps it together during the school day but becomes an emotional wreck after school? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. It’s called restraint collapse. Although it’s common in many children, it doesn’t make it easier for their caregiver.
What is Restraint Collapse?
Restraint collapse is a phenomenon where children (yes, neurotypical children, too), after spending a day holding it together in school or other structured environments, come home and suddenly “fall apart.” This might manifest as meltdowns, major mood swings, tantrums, or extreme exhaustion. For children diagnosed with ADHD, this collapse can be even more pronounced due to the immense effort they put into managing their impulses and maintaining focus throughout the day.
How Restraint Collapse Shows Up in Children with ADHD
Restraint collapse can show up as tantrums, hyperactivity, emotional outbursts and more.
For children with ADHD, restraint collapse can appear as:
Emotional Outbursts: Sudden tears, anger, or frustration over seemingly minor issues.
Increased Hyperactivity: A surge in energy where they might become more fidgety, restless, or unable to sit still.
Oppositional Behaviors: Saying “no” to everything, arguing, or refusing to follow directions.
Exhaustion: Collapsing into sleep or needing to zone out, often accompanied by irritability.
Sensory Overload: Complaints about noise, light, or touch that didn’t seem to bother them earlier.
These behaviors are not intentional acts of defiance; rather, they are signs that your child is overwhelmed and has exhausted their ability to regulate their emotions and behaviors.
How Parents Can Help Their Child
Providing safe spaces, emotional support items, and routines can help manage their collapse symptoms.
Create a Safe Space: When your child gets home, provide a calm and quiet space where they can decompress. This could be a cozy corner with pillows, soft lighting, and calming activities like drawing or listening to soothing music.
Establish a Routine: Consistent routines provide a sense of security. A predictable after-school routine, such as having a snack, some downtime, and then homework, can help ease the transition from school to home.
Empathy and Understanding: Let your child know that you understand how hard they work to manage their day. Simple phrases like “I know school can be tough, and it’s okay to feel tired or upset” can go a long way in helping them feel supported.
Encourage Physical Activity: Physical activity is a great way to release pent-up energy and stress. A quick walk, jumping on a trampoline, or a game of tag can help your child reset.
Teach Coping Strategies: Help your child develop coping skills, such as deep breathing exercises, mindfulness, or even taking a few minutes to cuddle with a pet.
How Parents Can Support Themselves
Dealing with restraint collapse can be challenging and emotionally draining for parents too. Take a deep breath and care for yourself, too. Here’s how:
Give Yourself Grace: It’s okay to feel frustrated or tired. Parenting a child with ADHD is a marathon, not a sprint, and you’re doing the best you can.
Take Breaks: When possible, step away for a moment to gather your thoughts. Even a few minutes of deep breathing or a quick walk outside can help reset your mood. Time is the best medicine for frustration.
Seek Support: Connect with other parents who understand what you’re going through. Whether it’s through a support group, online forums, or a trusted friend, sharing your experiences can be incredibly validating.
Prioritize Self-Care: Make time for activities that rejuvenate you, whether it’s reading a book, taking a bath, or practicing a hobby. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential.
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say no to additional responsibilities or activities that might overwhelm you. Focus on what’s most important and let go of the rest.
Final Thoughts
Restraint collapse is a natural response for children with ADHD who are working hard to manage their behaviors throughout the day. While it can be challenging, understanding what’s happening and responding with empathy can make a world of difference. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. By caring for your child and yourself, you’re creating a supportive and loving environment where both of you can thrive.
You’ve got this.
