“You should know better!”: Why Kids Struggle with Decision-Making
“Why would you do that? You know that could get you in trouble!”
How many times have you caught yourself questioning the sanity of a child? I’d be willing to guarantee you’re not alone.
As parents and educators, we’ve all been there—wondering why a child made a particular decision that seemed impulsive, irrational, or just plain baffling. The truth is, children aren’t wired to be great decision-makers yet, and there’s a scientific reason for that: their brains are still developing. To understand why, we have to understand how the brain, particularly the frontal cortex, can help us support our children as they learn to navigate the world and make better choices.
The Role of the Frontal Cortex
The frontal cortex, often called the brain's “decision-making center,” is responsible for critical functions like reasoning, problem-solving, self-control, and impulse regulation. It’s what helps us think through consequences and make choices based on logic rather than emotion. However, this part of the brain isn’t fully developed until our mid-20s, which means children, especially younger ones, are still learning how to process situations and make sound decisions.
This underdevelopment is why children and teens often act impulsively, make risky choices, or struggle with understanding long-term consequences. They simply don’t have the same cognitive tools that adults do. And unfortunately, we all-too-often forget what it was like for ourselves in that delicate time.
Real-Life Scenarios: Understanding Why Kids Make Certain Decisions
Common Scenarios
Let’s look at some generic (but very common), everyday situations where a child’s developing brain might come into play, shall we?
At School: Imagine your child has the option to complete their homework during some free time, but instead, they choose to chat with friends. Later, they come home stressed because they didn’t finish their work. In this case, your child’s underdeveloped frontal cortex may have led them to prioritize immediate gratification (socializing) over long-term benefits (finishing homework on time).
Home: Your child may grab a cookie before dinner, even though you’ve told them they need to wait. The temptation of the cookie in front of them is more powerful than thinking ahead to how full they’ll feel later, or that it might upset you. Again, their brain is wired for immediate satisfaction, not long-term reasoning.
On the Playground: Your child might push another kid in frustration, not because they’re intentionally trying to be hurtful, but because they lack the impulse control to stop and think, “What’s the best way to handle this situation?”
These decisions aren’t about disruption and defiance—they’re about the brain still learning to connect actions with outcomes. Keep this in mind when it comes to discipline and guidance.
How Caregivers Can Help Support Brain Development
Helping with Brain Development
How you can help shape their minds.
The plus side of all this: children’s brains are always making new connections. Ever heard someone compare a child’s brain to a sponge? It’s because that rewiring is much easier in kids. Although their brains are still growing, there are several ways you can guide them through this process and help them learn to make better decisions:
Model Decision-Making: Children learn from watching us. Narrate your decision-making process out loud when appropriate, such as when you’re choosing between two options or deciding how to solve a problem. For example, “I’m really tired, but I know if I finish these dishes now, I’ll feel better in the morning.” This helps them see how to weigh the consequences and think ahead.
Encourage Problem-Solving: Give your child opportunities to practice making choices in a low-stakes environment. For example, let them decide what to wear, what game to play, or how to organize their homework. Gently guide them through the process, helping them consider pros and cons without overwhelming them.
Set Clear Boundaries with Compassion: Boundaries are important, but they work best when paired with empathy. If your child makes a poor decision, acknowledge their emotions while reinforcing the lesson. “I know it was hard to stop playing video games to finish your homework, but remember how much better it felt when you didn’t have to rush last time.”
Be Patient with Impulsivity: Expecting a child to always think things through like an adult is unrealistic. If they act impulsively, take a moment to remind yourself that their brains are still developing. Responding calmly, even when they’ve made a mistake, teaches them that it’s okay to learn from errors.
While it’s easy to get frustrated with the decisions children make, understanding their brain development offers insight into why they act the way they do. The frontal cortex, responsible for making sound decisions and regulating impulses, is still a work in progress, and that’s okay. As parents and educators, we can help guide them by modeling good decision-making, setting clear boundaries, and being patient with their growth.
Remember, children are learning how to navigate the world one choice at a time. Offering support and understanding, be mindful of the skills they’re lacking, and try your best to use compassion and empathy when working through some of these challenges.
Next up, we’ll connect how social media and screen time can rock their developing brain’s world.
You’ve got this.
